This title is deceptive, though to be honest I couldn’t think of what else to write in order to explain this process. I’ve been in the service industry for 15 years and what I learned served me well, it’s a culmination of psychology classes, the work environment that forced me to open up to having meaningful conversations in 30 seconds or less and moving to America and being blasted with questions about Australia. So here starts my guide on ‘how to win people over’
- CARE– You’d be surprised how obvious this seems but you really need to convey that you care about the person. Take an active interest in their lives. “Hi, how are you?” followed up by “what are you up to today?” invites them to open up themselves, now sometimes you won’t get the response you’re looking for, but it’s all about the tone, how you convey your body language and instead of focusing on all of this, it’ll come naturally if you CARE about the individual.
- Situational CARE– What I learned from my years of working as a Barista is that you’ve got 30 seconds to have a meaningful conversation and I built upon this once I became a waiter. From the time the guest enters to the time the guest leaves, you care about this individual, their wants, needs, their family, who they are. Engaging them will in turn, have them reciprocate, because that’s human nature. Of course there are times it’s not appropriate, and that’s left to your judgement of when and when not to engage in idle banter. An example would be gauging the body language of the person/couple if they’re leaning into one another, it’s probably a first date and they are going to want to spend more time getting to know each other and not you.
- Listen– Showing that you’re listening, infers the above, people love to talk about themselves, so engaging them on their wants of expressing that desire not only feeds that basic drive to connect with one another it begins to bridge trust.
- Trust– All the above builds to this important moment, where an individual begins to feel that they can trust you. It harks back to the days where life and death matters on who you spent your time with. Would your friends fight off a giant bear or would they flee, leaving you to rot? This drive applies to all facets of life. Without Trust, the most you’ll ever build is an acquaintance and that mostly leads to indifference.
- Competence– everything up till now has been about building a friendship, and developing trust between you and the individual. The final piece ends up being how competent you are, your follow through, the ability to make what you say a reality. As a salesperson, I’ve learned that without the above, it doesn’t matter how competent you are, you won’t get the job. Clout is what will persevere and is the icing on the cake.
For the record, I was highly introverted until I moved to the USA. It wasn’t until I was forced out of my shell, where my jobs emphasized building relationships with the customers did I begin to understand that what makes a difference, if all else is equal, is your rapport with an individual, the relationship. The only difference between you and I is the skill and time spent on developing this tool in your arsenal.